Right now
Is anyone in danger?
Is anyone hurt, or about to get hurt? That includes your child, you, and anyone else nearby.
If yes, call 911 or use a crisis line. Safety comes before everything else on this page. If everyone is safe for now, the steps below are for the next few minutes.
For the next 5 minutes
- Make the space safer. Move hard or sharp things out of reach and give your child room. If you can, guide other children to another room.
- Lower the noise. Dim the lights and turn down sound where you can. Use few words, said slowly and quietly. Questions and instructions can wait.
- Stay near and calm, without crowding. Some children want you close; some need a little distance. Both are okay.
- Let it pass. A hard moment has a peak, and it ends. You don't need to fix it or teach anything right now.
- Breathe out slowly yourself. When your body settles, the room often settles with it.
These are general, widely taught steps, not a plan for your child. Your child's team can help you build one that fits.
Tantrum or meltdown?
They can look alike, but they usually aren't the same thing.
- A tantrum is usually about wanting something, or not wanting something. It often eases when the situation changes, and a child may watch to see how you react.
- A meltdown is a response to being overwhelmed. It isn't a choice, and words usually don't end it. It ends when your child's body has had enough quiet and time.
Either way, safety and calm come first. You don't have to know which one it is right now.
Then, for you
That was hard, and you got through it. Before anything else, take one minute for yourself. Each of these takes about a minute.
Afterwards
When things are calm, jot down what happened while you still remember it. It takes about 15 seconds: what happened right before, what your child did, and what happened right after. Over time, those notes give you and your child's team something real to look at together.